londonmark searching for intelligent life in camden town (the search now continues in new york city)
Monday, May 19, 2003
Lazy day I left my flat yesterday twice. Once to 'play' football – ie kick a ball about the street – and once to go to the supermarket for supplies. Otherwise, it was a sit-down-on-the-sofa, watch-whatever-television-is-on, drink-a-bit-too-much-coffee, watch-all-my-TV-for-the-week day. Things started well. I watched The Bourne Identity, which is enjoyable in a "has everyone switched off their mobile phones and brains yet?" way, a few episodes of The Simpsons, Indiana Jones and The Temple Of Doom, bits of the Lee Evans' Live In The West End stand-up show, about two or three Walking With Dinosaurs episodes, and then (for reasons I am still trying to work out) the news on TV5 where they were talking about some elections in Switzerland.
My eyes now feel as though they have been through a microwave. I may never see again.
Clarification Inspired by a comment, I have felt moved to clarify some of my earlier remarks. This is not a retraction, nor does it imply any criticism on the part of the commenter or myself. Coincidentally, today happens to be Pierce Brosnan's 50th birthday.
'00' status in a Bond novel or film confers upon the recipient a licence to kill in the line of duty. As Q so memorably phrases, "May I remind you, 007, that you have a licence to kill not to break the traffic laws". In the twenty official Bond movies (purists will note I am omitting the spoof Casino Royale and the Thunderball remake Never Say Never Again as neither were produced by EON Productions), we have seen 007 in all of them, but we have seen other 00 operatives infrequently. Here's the spotter's guide:
001: Never seen or referred to on film.
002: In The Man With The Golden Gun, 002 (real name: Bill Fairbanks) was killed by Scaramanga in Beirut prior to Bond taking up the mission. By the time of The Living Daylights, the code 002 has passed onto another agent, who with 004 and 007, participates in the war games exercise on Gibraltar. This 002 is no luckier than his predecessor as he also dies at the hands of a KGB-trained operative.
003: Killed in A View To A Kill. 007 recovers the Zorin microchip from his dead body in Siberia.
004: Participates in the Gibraltar war games exercise in The Living Daylights with 002 and 007, and dies, killed by a renegade KGB agent.
005: Never seen or referred to on film.
006: Seen in GoldenEye (real name: Alec Trevelyan), he is killed by Colonel Ouromov. He later reappears as the Liensk-Cossack underworld leader Janus.
007: Still operative.
008: Never seen on film, but mentioned in Goldfinger and The Living Daylights. Interestingly, 008 seems to be M's favoured choice to relieve 007 if Bond is having qualms about a mission.
009: Assassinated by the knife-throwing circus act twins in Octopussy, who also attempt (but fail) to dispose of 007.
In addition to this, during the briefing session after the teaser sequence in Thunderball, Bond arrives in the war room late and takes his chair among some eight or so other operatives. We can presume that these are the 00s, though no reference is made to this and their names and numbers are not mentioned.
So, there you have it. A spotter's guide for the books will take much longer and besides which, they're all at my parents' house so I can't read them right now.
Before you comment: yes, I know I need to get a life. I'm working on it.
Die Another Day – Deleted scenes #5
INT. MI6 building, Vauxhall Cross, London
009: Eh, have you seen 007 about?
005: What?
009: I said, have you seen 007 about in the office?
[Pause. Both start laughing hysterically.]
005: [Wiping tears from his eyes.] Oh, that's a good one. I needed a laugh.
009: Yeah.
005: I heard on the grapevine that this time he's in Cuba.
009: Cuba?
005: Oh, yes. Have you heard him speak Spanish? It's hilarious. He sounds like the waiter from Fawlty Towers.
009: Don't. I was once with him and 004 in Gibraltar. His accent was embarrassing.
005: Apparently, after Cuba, he's heading off to Iceland.
009: No.
005: Mmm-hmm. That blonde girl from Cryptography's got something doing there, so he's obviously off like a shot.
009: Blast, I really fancied my chances with her.
005: Fat chance. He'll do that "I'm a double-0, let's go to bed' routine.
009: Damn him, it never works for me.
005: Well, Moneypenny won't so much as look at me, never mind stop for a chat, since he got back from Korea.
009: He just ruins it for the rest of us. M gave me a right earful after my last mission. "Why can't you be more like 007?", "007 wouldn't have done that", "007 never leaves his gun in the glove compartment of his Fiat Panda parked in Heathrow." I tell you, butter wouldn't bloody melt?
005: I know, he thinks he's such a big shot, the only one with a licence to kill around here.
[Pause.]
009: Where's your next mission, then?
005: Romford. You?
009: Milton Keynes.
[Pause.]
005: Oh, damn him.
The future's dimmed Writing "pretentious" in the margin of a document I am proof-reading, only to find that this section has been written by our Chief Executive, may prove to be career-limiting. Discuss.
Die Another Day – Deleted scenes #4
INT. MI6 building, Vauxhall Cross, London
M: So, Ms Frost, tell me what you know of James Bond.
Frost: He's a 00 and wild one at that. A blunt instrument whose primary purpose is to confront. He'll light the fuse on any explosive situation.
M: And?
Frost: Well, that's about it.
M: Yes, well, good. We are a secret service, after all. I note from your file, Ms Frost, that in the last three months, you've turned up next to nothing on Gustav Graves.
Frost: He appears to be clean.
M: Really? Or is it just that you are a not a very good secret agent, Ms Frost?
Frost: I'm sorry, I don't understand.
M: Ms Frost, when I give 007 an assignment, I am guaranteed that within three days, he will have slept with several women, he will have destroyed many buildings, engaged in his borderline alcoholic tendencies, gambled with sums of money others can merely dream of, written off his Q Branch vehicle, killed the equivalent of a small army, and solved the case, thereby saving the world. You, on the other hand, have uncovered nothing in a much longer time. Hence, I'm afraid that you are fired, Ms Frost. Please clear out your desk, return your sidearm and your canteen pass. You'll receive your P45 by mail. Good day.
[Miranda Frost, ex-MI6 operative, leaves M's office.]
Die Another Day – Deleted scenes #3
EXT. Cuban beachside bar
Bond: Lovely view.
Jinx: Shame it's wasted on some people. My friends call me Jinx.
Bond: My friends call me … well, actually, most of them are dead. The others aren't really friends, just people I work with.
Jinx: But you are … ?
Bond: Hang on, love, I'm thinking here. Who are my friends? I've been in this game for 40 years and the only people I really know are from my office and I'm not sure how well I even know them.
Jinx: Right. Yes. Okay. But they call you … ?
Bond: Only when they want me to do something. Why do they never call just for a chat or for drinks after work. I never even get a birthday card. They're always coming up with excuses: "Oh, you were in space", "Oh, you were marooned on an exploding island", "Oh, you were in the middle of the Atlantic in a submarine". Is it that they just don't like me?
Jinx: Hell, I don't know.
Bond: I can't believe I never realised until now. I have no real friends. No-one just likes me for me.
Jinx: Look, do you want a shag or not?
[Pause.]
Bond: Okay.
[They leave.]
Die Another Day – Deleted scenes #2 INT. Q's laboratory in a disused London Underground station
Q: Right, now, pay attention, 007. Some equipment for your latest mission. Firstly, a new watch. This state of the art Casio digital watch is splashproof, and comes equipped with an hour chime and a microlight. Please return it in one piece.
Bond: Q, what about the homing device, laser, remote control detonator, grappling hook/piton arrangement and rotating face that turns into a small but powerful saw?
Q: Cutbacks, Bond. You'll have to make do without them.
[Pause.]
Bond: Oh.
Q: Next, your new weapon. The Walther P99 is a pretty little thing, but we've had to make one or two minor adjustments. Certain elements of this weapon are prone to wear and tear and we've worked out a way round the issue. We've removed the magazine, the bullets, the chamber and the trigger.
Bond: Q? How am I supposed to fire it?
Q: I can't do everything for you, 007, you're supposed to be an adult now. Can we please move on? Right, your new car.
Bond: I dread to think.
Q: The new Aston Martin Vanquish. Six forward gears, bulletproof chassis, bodywork and windows, heads-up display, forward and rear-firing rockets, machine guns, remote control, ejector seat, plus all the usual refinements.
Bond: At last, back to what I'm used to.
Q: And here's one thing I'm particularly proud of. Aston Martin call it the Vanquish. We call it the Vanish. It's fitted with the latest in adaptive camouflage systems, thus rendering it invisible to the naked eye.
[An empty pallet rolls up.]
Bond: So where is it, Q?
Q: Right there.
[Pause.]
Bond: You couldn't afford to buy one, could you, Q?
Q: Well, ah, no.
Bond: Stuff this, I'm joining the CIA.
Die Another Day – Deleted scenes #1
INT. Colonel Tan-Sun Moon's military aircraft
Moon: Why, Mr Bond, I've been expecting you.
Perkins: Erm, sir, actually I'm not Bond. I'm Perkins from Section G. I'm the airline attendant.
Moon: A brave attempt, Mr Bond. But you have have quipped your last quip.
Perkins: Look, really, sir. I'm the steward. You know, hot towels, peanuts, refresh your drink, all that.
Moon: You are a worthy adversary, 007, but how much longer can you persist in this charade? Not long, I think…
Perkins: Err, what are you doing, sir?
Moon: Prepare the Icarus device!
Perkins: Sir, I don't like hot weather, sir. I'm really not Bond. He's over there by that strangely futuristic yet poorly guarded control panel. Sir?
Moon: You have vexed me too long, western spy. North and South Korea will be united, and you? You will be dead, a testament to your culture's decadence and interference.
Perkins: Please, sir, no. He's right over there playing with a laser-beam type watch, right next to that girl from Swordfish.
Moon: Silence!
[Perkins dies. Colonel Moon dies. The world is saved. Bond wins. Again.]
Subliminal messages? I've been wondering for a while whether the adverts at the top of this page are trying to tell me something. At the moment of writing, they are advertising "Rum cakes – Fresh, moist, intense, delicious Cayman Islands tortuga rum cakes" which, although I'm sure that they are fresh, moist, intense and delicious, seems quite irrelevant for the context of my blog.
Upon refreshing the page, I now discover that I am recommending "Golden rum cake". Although the cake link is understandable, having hosted Karen's afternoon tea last week, I am baffled as to why it is particularly rum cake. Unless… it doesn't mean the alcoholic beverage, but rather that these cakes are, well, you know, a little bit odd. Strange cakes. Now those I am more than happy to advertise. Free samples will have to provided, however, before I go so far as to endorse them.
Patience A likes B even though A is now trying to see C and B is trying to see D. B's brother E likes F but knows that's she's not interested. To complicate matters, F lives with D and has to pretend that she doesn't know that B is seeing D. A has reacted badly to this.
More updates when we have them, on the hour, every hour, BBC Camden 24.
Excel "I assure you I had rather excel others in the knowledge of what is excellent, than in the extent of my power and dominion." (Alexander the Great)
Dwarfish sinner I would tell you how proud my new iBook makes me feel, but I couldn't really. No, sorry, it just wouldn't be on, because I'm actually quite bashful.
The sequel Rise v.2.0 is now available and wowee, it looks good. Plaudits are apparently to be shared between 'bel herself, Pete and Stuart. Nice one all round, I believe. If you're at a loose end, why not pop over there for tea?
It's a sin As it's officially Sin Week, I have already committed a sin of omission by not posting yesterday, so that's Monday taken care of. Everyone seems to be doing them, so here's my Dante's Inferno Test results:
The Dante's Inferno Test has banished me to the Eighth Level of Hell – the Malebolge! Here is how I matched up against all the levels:
And in other news I am now the proud possessor of an 14" Apple iBook. I've already had a bit of a play on it, and it's fun, fun, fun, I tell you. As soon as I can merge the twenty-ninth circle of Hell which is also known as Telewest Broadband, with the undoubted heavenly delights of Apple, then soon the world will be mine, mwah ha ha.
Your wish… Well, thank you to one and all for your refreshment orders. Here we go:
'bel gets her iced coffee and, of course, a little mojito to follow, as well as one for Mike. I have to confess I sneaked a little sip before I poured them, and it is quite tasty stuff.
Some tea for Aquarion, and a slice of delicious cream cake. A wonderful combination, and a very good choice by him.
One White Russian coming up directly for Señor Pete (though he might prefer this one), as well as a paper napkin and some instructions on café etiquette. Honestly, man, were you brought up or dragged up? Also, a bakewell tart, and I will refrain from the obvious joke.
D is presented with an almond slice on a plate, a small dessert fork and, of course, a linen napkin. Got to show a bit of a class for a fellow Camdenite, you see.
Well, I hope you all enjoy your drinks and snacks, and may I take this opportunity to wish you all a very enjoyable May Bank Holiday, and thank you for stopping by Café Londonmark. Mind how you go, and see you over at Café 'Bel soon.
Oops, nearly forgot to mention this (click for more details):
Afternoon refreshment As Café 'Bel is having a few problems at the moment, I will stand in as locum. I am now taking orders for afternoon tea. Tea, coffee, hot chocolate (with sprinkles, oh yes) or perhaps something a bit stronger for you risqués out there; all are welcome at Camden's premier drinkery, Café Londonmark, which is fully licensed to serve alcoholic beverages, bar snacks and an excellent 30 yard curved dipping free-kick. Simply scribble in the comments what you'd like and I will serve them to your table as soon as I can. Tipping is optional.
Next time you feel like showing off… don't So, X2, X-Men 2, X-Men 2: X-Men United, whatever the hell you want to call it, was showing at the Camden, Odeon Town last night (shamelessly ripping off gag from Sashinka). Eight of us went, I bought all the tickets and, yes, you've guessed it, only four people have paid thus far (including me). I hate organising these things because I always feel bad asking for the money, but then some people just forget to hand it over. Argle.
[Begin summary] There is an attack on the President of the United States by a mutant (homo superior, a person identical to a human in virtually every way, apart from a unique gift such as telekinesis or teleportation) in the Oval Office. This leads Colonel Stryker, a mutant expert in the US military, to propose an attack on Professor Charles Xavier's School for Gifted Youngsters (aka 'Mutant High') to safeguard the nation from this threat.
Professor X (gift: extraordinary telepathy) locates the mutant responsible for the attempt on the President's life, Nightcrawler (gift: teleportation), and sends two of his X-Men team, Storm (gift: weather manipulation) and Dr Jean Grey (gift: extraordinary telepathy and telekinesis) to recover him. And then the attack on the school begins, forcing the X-Men to split up and try to prevent Stryker from carrying out his dastardly plan. [End summary]
If you're not into X-Men, and one or two of those attending last night were not, then it may seem a little bit confusing. It is. In a good way. The first film was a gentle introduction into the characters of the main X-Men as well as gently shooing some of the 'X-kids' (Pyro, Iceman) into the scene. This film is a lot harder and takes up pretty much where the first left off, focusing on Wolverine's desire to find out about his past, the development of his relationship with Dr Jean Grey, the need for Professor X to unite with Magneto to prevent Stryker's plan, the adolescent urges of Rogue, Iceman and Pyro.
Bryan Singer handles the multiple plot-lines well, especially bearing in mind that with Professor X, Col. Stryker, Magneto, Wolverine, Dr Jean Grey, Cyclops, Storm, Iceman, Rogue, Mystique, Nightcrawler, Pyro and Lady Deathstrike, there are quite a few characters to accommodate.
Inevitably, some of these characters have to sacrifice some screen time to progress the multi-plotline and, unfortunately, it's Cyclops. He is really only needed to highlight the tensions between Dr Jean Grey and Wolverine and is given precious little to do, which is a shame. Also, a bit more Lady Deathstrike wouldn't have gone amiss, as she is really only active in her sequence with Wolverine.
The action sequences have been beefed up compared to the first movie. Wolverine is seen in full berserker mode in the mansion, which is excellent, and he gets to fight Lady Deathstrike in a sequence which one of our group last night could only describe as 'harsh'.
The best set piece, however, is the opening sequence where Nightcrawler infiltrates the White House. It is, quite simply, breathtaking and immediately sets out the film's intention to be bigger, better and faster than the first.
It's a shame in a way that this intention is not completely fulfilled throughout the film. Some moments lag and it seems as though the humour of the first has also been sacrificed. Certainly, there are funny moments but many seem an afterthought. There is, however, a tenderness about this film. Moments between Iceman and Rogue, Wolverine and Dr Jean Grey, Storm and Nightcrawler, even Mystique and Magneto, show a more reflective side than simply bam, bam, action.
And, oh, the joy of cameos: you get Siryn wailing when the attack on the mansion is in full flow, Shadowcat running through walls to escape Stryker's forces, Colossus being just one big guy, and you see glimpses of Beast and Jubilee – all of which contribute to the enjoyment of the film and the belief that Singer really is a huge fan. There are a few more little touches, such as diagram of Archangel's wing in the Weapon X facility, which really prove this to be a labour of love on Singer's part.
Ian McKellen and Alan Cumming, in my opinion, pretty much steal the show. In every scene they are in, they are the most compelling to watch and listen to. Cumming, in particular, combines emotional uncertainty and vulnerability with a twistedly dark humour in the role. It's hard to imagine anyone else playing the part. Brian Cox is convincingly malevolent and fanatical, particularly in his scenes with Patrick Stewart who radiates calm authority and gravitas as per usual.
Another revelation in the sequel is Rebecca Romijn-Stamos who gets much more to do than in the first film, and is genuinely compelling. Her interplay with McKellen is deliciously wicked and smacks of an old married couple. Definitely an improvement. Hugh Jackman does what he's told, which is to prowl around, growl and show them claws. This he does, and competently, but its not exactly the toughest acting gig he'll ever get.
The kids get a good outing and Shawn Ashmore and Anna Paquin capture the tensions and yearnings of adolescence very well, as does Aaron Stanford with his disaffected, rebellious teen routine.
James Marsden, as stated, doesn't have too much to do, Halle Berry turns up again, and Kelly Hu just stands around a bit until she's called upon to display those martial arts skills. Famke Janssen finds that's she not just the window dressing she was in first film, and portrays the far more intriguing Dr Grey perfectly.
All in all, great fun if you're into the comics, pretty good fun if you're not, and definitely left open for X3, so don't be too surprised.
X2.1 As I write this, my esteemed flatmate Mike should be buying tickets to see X2. So, in the spirit of collaboration, I call upon all persons here present to tell me which X-Man you are and why. If several of you pick the same one, we go to a tie-breaker. I will begin.
I am… Cyclops. I can project a beam of concussive force from my eyes (aka I can stare at you. A lot.). However, due to a brain injury, I am unable to shut off my optic blasts at will and must therefore wear a visor or glasses with ruby quartz lenses that block the beams (aka I wear glasses. This may reduce the intensity of my staring at you in a semi-nasty way. It may not.). I am married to Dr Jean Grey (aka I find Famke Janssen quite attractive, especially in GoldenEye.).
So there you have it, I am quite clearly Cyclops. Who are you?
Dammit Well, I can't get bloody audblog to work, so I can't do my performance art piece. It wasn't going to be terrific, so you're not missing out on much. May I recommend little.red.boat, troubled-diva, acerbia, wherever you are or not so soft instead, because they are obviously far more technologically capable than I. Dammit.
Instead, I shall be casting balletic moves throughout my day in the office with the inevitable inquiring glances from co-workers which this will bring. And pas de deux. And plié. Performance art? Maybe. Making colleagues question my sanity? Most assuredly.
The 100 Yards Club
To the Dublin Castle venue,
I went without a clue.
Which is why I have decided to review
This band and their gig in clerihew.
They sounded quite like Suede.
Thank god, not at all like Slade.
They played seven songs of which the sixth was a rocker,
They played pretty well, no-one had a shocker.
I really liked the drummer,
But not the bass strummer.
The lead guitar was crunchy and loud,
And the front man – the singer – was loved by the crowd.
The 'Asking for Trouble' Department For all those stalkers out there, you will be pleased to note that tonight I will be listening to the melodious strains of a friend's band at the Dublin Castle. I pay so much attention that I don't even know the name of the band but through careful deduction (thank you, camdenlock.net), I have worked out that it is one of The Morning After, Solar or The 100 Yards Club. Even further and more rigorous research (ahem) has led me to believe that he is in The 100 Yards Club. In fact, I'm positive it's them because I've just seen my friend's photo there.
So, if you happen to be passing Parkway, and are looking for some good music / wishing to scare me / wishing to do me actual bodily harm, why not go to the Dublin Castle (flyer downloadable from the band's site)?
PS. The scaring thing is fine, but the ABH might result in you going to prison. You have been warned.
St. Mark Today is the feast day of St. Mark. Yes, my patron saint and, in my opinion, the best damned saint in the whole choir of angels, seraphs and those funny ones with loads of wings (oh yes, I'm a brilliantly lapsed Catholic, me).
Not only the author of the oldest of the canonical gospels, St. Mark is credited as being the founder and first martyr of the Christian Church in Egypt. As well as being my name saint, he is also the patron saint of barristers, captives, glaziers, imprisoned people, insect bites, lawyers, lions, notaries, and prisoners. He is also the patron of Venice, where the cathedral that bears his name has his relics on display.
His symbol is the lion (excellent), although sometimes it's a winged lion (even better). He was a good mate of St. Peter, so much so that when he wrote his gospel it was so clearly influenced by the first Pope that the Church Fathers nicknamed it 'Peter's Gospel'.
There is a tradition in Venice that on this day, every man gives a single rosebud (a bòcolo) to his beloved lady. So, to you and yours, happy St. Mark's Day.
Replacement bus service V An apology. I didn't think before I posted it. Sorry.
Replacement coach service There once was a blogger named Mark Whose haikus had created a spark In five-seven-five form They went down a storm He'd only started them off for a lark.
Breaking with haikus (temporary) Just a few little quick bits and pieces:
Overheard while buying my coffee a little while ago, said by an American businessman to his colleague: "Well, we don't just wanna peel back the onion to find a can of worms."
Alphabet soup Story time. A (who goes out with E) went out drinking with B, C and D. They all went back to B's place (she goes out with F) and they drink there for a bit. B stays in, while A, C and D go off. Later that night, a guy called G gets a text message from one of A, C and D, saying that they've all been out drinking and that they'll see him tomorrow. He thinks nothing of this and goes back to bed. Apparently, B got this text message as well. The next morning, E rings up his friend H (who lives with I) and says that D has been spreading some rumours about A to the effect that A slept with someone other than E, and that E would cheat on A if he could. E is livid. H attempts consolation. E rings off, and H tells I.
H and I go out for some food, a wander around Camden and a drink. They meet in their regular pub. They see G there and ask him what the hell is going on with what D has apparently said to everyone. He, wisely, demurs and states that he doesn't want to get into it. They chat about other things. B comes into the pub, looking tearful. She has just split up with her boyfriend F. A, C and E turn up and while A and E quiz G about what D has said, C goes to console B, who is also being consoled by J, even though her boyfriend K has left early and they appear to have had an argument. Later on, J is seen crying a little to herself.
A, E and G all sort out what D has said. D is not there, and they hear that she is planning to go away for a while. C then sees her ex-boyfriend L there. L is a good friend of F, B's newly ex-boyfriend. C has heard that L is going out with a new girl, M. She goes over to say hello to M, who is immensely rude and condescending to C. This upsets C. It is now B's turn to console C. C is also consoled by I, who secretly quite likes her and wonders why she ever went out with L in the first place. H knows that I likes C but hasn't told anyone. A and E leave early. Everyone else gets drunk, the pub closes and everyone is left to sort things out in the morning. Again.
Names have been changed to protect the guilty, but otherwise it is all, sadly, true.
25 things
i was born in 1977 and lived in mill hill until the tender age of 17, whereupon I went up to oxford for my degree. two years of varying success later, i left (degreeless) and wandered the tide of mediocre jobs while living in, variously, new marston, brixton, finsbury park, camden town, notting hill and greenwich village. i'm six foot tall, thin, i wear glasses, i work in an office, i drink in nyc and i live in hope.
I am now the proud possessor of an 
